All day long I take phone calls from these people complaining about how bad their service is and how they are always having their calls dropped. Most of the time I just hang up, but when I get in the mood I actually will talk to one of these losers and listen to them bitch and moan about how they always get disconnected from their friends, how their caller ID doesn't work, or how we screwed up their billing. What do you expect from the only company that brings you a complete all-digital national network? Of course there will be problems! Damn!

But let me clear up some of your confusion. First of all, the calls don't get disconnected because of our bad service, it is because we drink and smoke all day long, fielding calls between bong hits or shots of Jack Daniels. We like to cut random people's connections, mostly because we will never, ever be paid enough to afford cell phones and are jealous of anyone who has one. As for caller ID, this could be fixed, but it's not like you won't ever know who is calling - just answer your goddamn phone! Why should we get off our asses and fix something that isn't serious to us? Shit!

Lastly, billing. We screw this up because we get to keep any of the extra money from people who never report the errors on their statements. It's almost like a commission. It is your job to make sure you are billed correctly. It is our job to audit bills and make sure that if you did overpay, we get as much of it in cash as possible. How can we maximize profit if we don't first overcharge?

This may not be the ideal way to run a business but we make money and sell an inferior product, and all you retards still use our services. Let's face it, if we focused our operations around quality and service, we would go out of business and you would be forced to use a more reputable cellular carrier.

Thank you for calling Sprint, can we disconnect your calls?