Canadian Foodserver Happy 92% of the Time

Canadian dining is among the quickest in the world. "It's not the food, or the beer, or the atmosphere that makes dinner such a pleasant experience," says Tom Wickle, a leading restaurant critic in Montreal. "But we notice American diners seem to get a quicker serve time and have a quicker turnaround time between entering, eating, and leaving our restaurants. It's like they're scared of the friendly nature of our waiters."


Shecklock, among the tables she waits on at Le'Restaurant Montreal is happy 92% of the time.

Nancy Shecklock, a native Canadian, admits to being happy "almost ninety-two percent of the day. I am even happy when I am asleep," she explains. "All my Canadian friends are like that too, happy, happy, happy!" Shecklock and the rest of the staff at Le'Restaurant Montreal underwent psychological testing to ensure sanity. The results from the experiments were inconclusive.

Doctor Thomas Imbeman ran the tests, and comments, "These people seem to be happy a lot. It's not normal, but it's definitely not psychologically dangerous. Unless they interact with Americans, who enjoy being upset a lot more than Canadians. Americans punch things more."

Imbeman's colleagues are divided over the data from his research. "I don't think he was mean enough during the cement-down-the-pants experiment," explains Doctor Anthony Yudel. "I can't imagine anyone enjoying cement down their pants while listening to a looped Dionne Warwick album. Even if they're Canadian."

Regardless of the scientific data, it has been noted that 92% enjoyment of one's life is nearly impossible as someone in the foodservice industry. "I mean, you have to work with people and everything," continues Yudel. "Ewww...."

In the meantime, Canadian waistaff across the province of Quebec are going through a comprehensive desensitization program. The program, called CARE LESS, Inc., has proven successful in focus groups at Nickels, Celine Dion's chain restaraunt. Shecklock comments, "They hit us with bricks and tell us we're worthless. It's exactly what I need."