My girlfriend Chantel seems a little concerned about my plan; I keep telling her to chill and give me a blow job instead. Once we get out of school there won’t be any responsibilities, we can just fuck all day long and drink Colt 45. Chantel and I are still in school so we have to graduate, but once we do, we’re home free. We’ll be moving on up the government funding executive ladder.

One night last month after Chantel and I fucked, I lit up a big fat blunt, spread out on my ten dollar couch and thought to myself, why should we get jobs? There are so many people out there that do nothing and still live fine, why should I work and get the same stuff as someone who do nothing? Besides, they’re still syndicating Jerry Springer on six television channels in my area. Geesh!

Chantel agreed; she felt that we should get a piece like everyone else. It’ll be phly once we are out on our own, collecting those food stamps and hoarding welfare - who’d think the government would reward laziness? In any other country people with our aspirations would have starved to death long ago, but not in good ol’ America. We are going to have the same advantages as hard working people, with a lot of extra time and tuna and cheese as well.

The time is going to be well spent, no one has to worry about that. The way I see it, all this free time Chantel and I have can be used for expressing our love for each other. If we fuck six times a day, that should be good enough. The great thing is that if we fuck and I manage to knock her up, it’s a guarantee for a bigger welfare check. It’s a like a reward for fucking. You can kick the ball towards the goal, but when it goes in, that’s thereward.

I can’t wait to live off the government, were going to be so happy. It’ll just be a few short weeks before we can get out of this loser school, throw those stupid diplomas on the floor and announce to the world that we are useless and proud of it, and to give us more money.